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I guess that’s what we are now – blended, like Mike and Carol Brady; except our “bunch” didn’t all arrive at exactly the same time, or in the same manner. First we were “Steps”, that is a family of step-relating individuals: Elizabeth and her sons Josh and Ben; and me, the new guy. Then, four years into it, along came little Noah, the offspring of mine and Elizabeth, and the mash-up was complete. Now we’re all connected in some obtuse, yet cyclical kind of fashion. But it can still feel strange, especially in our small town, which appears to be busting at the seams with The Cleavers from the black & white nuclear family era.

But regardless of my official title, dad, step-dad, glorified nanny, whatever—I’ve been trucking around after these kids for so long I feel I might have lost perspective on just where my atypical family might fall within the official parenting spectrum. So for the definitive word I did what millions of us do; I conjured the ultimate Oracle of our times: The Google!

For those of you steps out there, who may have stumbled upon TheyCallMeWheels.com through your own Google incantation on parenting issues, let me pass along some interesting tidbits I’ve found:

"At least one-third of all children in the U.S. will be part of a stepfamily before they reach age 18. " (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/blended_families_stepfamilies.htm)

Wow! We are truly not alone. But why then, does it often feel like in any given parent-kid activity that we’re sticking out like sore thumbs among the natural parents? Of course the “Cleavers” in our neck of the woods have gone beyond prime time and become highly evolved “alpha” parents. In any given enclave of activity, we might even have to deal with a more advanced parental unit, the Terminator 5000 of alpha parents, who, for all we know has been sent from the future to simply dominate us poor wanabies: biggest SUV, superior wardrobe, kids with the most expensive sneakers, batting cages in their mansion’s basement, unlimited financial resources – you know the type. Families may be dividing and re-coupling faster than amoebas but we still have a bit of a wait yet before the idea of the step parent is fully embraced by the natural parenting fold. Then, The Google told me this:

-By 2010, blended families will be the most common type of family in America

-Most blended families don't make it to their 5th anniversary

-Statistically, 60% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2006)

Ouch! Oh please, almighty seer of anything worth knowing in cyberspace, can this be true? Perhaps some hacklers from China posted that bad news, just to break our spirits. But alas, The Google cannot lie:

"Blending families in second (or third) marriages is one of the greatest causes of divorce. Very few of these marriages survive five years."(Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr, http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5008_qa.html)

Damn – is it really that bad? I thought I had a rock solid marriage (2nd, for both me and Elizabeth), one that had endured almost 8 years. But if I were to believe The Google, even though we seemed to have survived the dreaded five year mark, is my blended family really just a ticking time bomb, ready to explode without warning?

In reality it certainly doesn’t feel that way. In fact all I can really say is that it feels like “home”. Our house is chaotic, but it is a settled kind of chaos – as if chaos is business as usual. I don’t try to stem the tide; I just concentrate on functioning within it. Our marriage works because it is rooted in a) mutual respect for one another and b) by ensuring that we are always on the same page when it comes to governing all of the kids. This may not be easy, and involves hard work and compromise, but can any marriage, blended family or otherwise be expected to survive without either partner being willing to observer either of these? Could a parent in a blended family expect anything less than trouble and resentment if he or she were to favor their natural child over their step child? Could a step parent expect to be treated like a true parent if he or she is unwilling to treat their step child exactly as they would one of their own?

After over 4 years step, 5 years blended, I feel at least qualified to say that this is the toughest job you’ll ever love, and though the resolutions to the questions above seem obvious, they are in reality much harder in practice. But if you can pull it off it will be the most satisfying experience you could imagine, although I can guarantee you’ll also be exhausted. And think of how good it will feel, not being another statistic of: “The Google”.