Today's Spin: Posted : 1/11/2012 Could you, would you, in a Rewalk? Dignity regained, but what about functionality? AMAZING DEAL! Post an Amazon Review and Get a FREE Copy of They Call Me Wheels learn more... Sign Up for Today's Spin The Argo Technologies Rewalk, one of several recent “exo-skeletons” designed to give the wheelchair-bound the ability to stand and ambulate, recently gained some more visibility (Fans of the T.V. show Glee will recall the Rewalk’s now famous appearance in the 2010 Christmas episode) by being chosen one of Popular Science’s Innovations of the Year in the Health Category. As these devices inevitably make their way from medical journals to the mainstream media, those of us in wheelchairs will undoubtedly face the question, as I did recently: If a Rewalk showed up at your door tomorrow, would you use it? Read More >>

1. The Kid is Finally Driving - 10/28/2011

and I'm freaking...

When I was sixteen and licensed up, I was gone. Literally—every opportunity I had, dust trails out of my parent’s driveway. No more hanging around the T.V. room, the living room, or even the groovy wicker-chaired sitting area of my bedroom, where I’d hang for hours, staring into my Lava Lamp, burning incense and listening to The Pink Floyd (I apparently didn’t realize that grabbing my parent’s retro Sixties stuff from the attic would result in me living in some weird alternate version of the Sixties, even though clearly, it was the Seventies. Thus it went with me...). My new found mobility had its price, however, for I had to take a job washing dishes to help cover the spike in my parent’s insurance premium—their penalty for being saddled with a sixteen year old male—but a small price when compared with my new-found ability to traverse the boundaries of our then-rural patch of Northwestern Connecticut in the family Volvo station wagon, sometimes packed with as many teen-aged bodies as we could carry, or sometimes just a few bodies, packed with as many illegal substances as we could carry.

It’s no wonder I’m scared to death now that my step son Josh has reached driving age, what, with my sordid teen years and all—at least what I can remember of them. And based on what I can remember, it’s all terrifying.

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2. Forever indebted - 10/4/2011

managing the kid's money

We borrow money from our kid’s wallets sometimes. I know what you’re thinking: Bad Parents! But let me defend this by saying that a) it is nearly always used for some last-minute kid-related purpose where debit cards aren’t accepted and b) we always return the funds once we’ve had a chance to hit the ATM. Unlike many, more organized parental units, who for all I know must sleep with money belts, for how else are you to come up with $18.50 cash five minutes before the morning bus arrives and you are informed by your son or daughter that today is the last day you can pay for the team sweatshirts that he or she forgot to mention all week? For us the choice is simple: hit up the kid’s wallet stash, where that pile of twenties from the last holiday or birthday awaits.
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3. Wheelchair vs. Low Tide - 6/28/2011

I walk myself backward on my hands, planting my butt in the wet sand every 3 feet. My heels trailing leave strange elongated tracks, as if some exotic mammal had dragged itself to the edge of the salt water inlet and back. I suppose right now I could fit that very description, with my spandex bike shorts, skinny legs and diving booties; my skin scorched red-brown by the sheen of the Cape Cod sun on the water. When I’ve gone about twenty feet or so, I remove the braided line from my clenched teeth and pull the plastic kayak the same distance along the tracks I’ve just laid until it’s nearly touching my toes. Then I repeat the whole process—plop, plop, plop, pull—until I’m finally at the foot of the stairway that traverses the sea wall leading to the higher ground of our resort. It’s more civilized up there; green manicured lawn, chaise lounges and Weber grills off the back porches of the water-facing units. But until I get my gear back up there I’m stuck down in the flats—my boat, my paddle, the muck, a few hermit crabs and squirting clams and me: the paraplegic who insisted on going paddling at low tide.
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4. Kid Urban Legends - 4/7/2011

Is it polite to burp at the dinner table in China?

God knows our own parents used plenty on us: ‘Wait a half hour after you eat to go swimming, or you’ll get cramps!’, or who could forget ‘If you swallow your gum it will take seven years to digest!’, or my favorite ‘Don’t cross your eyes—they’ll get stuck in that position for good!’. In turn, we’ve updated, recycled, recalibrated and re-released many of the same myths upon our own children—for as we ourselves learned, what better way to get kids to at least stop and think about whatever bad behavior they’re about to partake in than to instill a bunch of nebulous half-truths (well, let’s face it, the swallowing gum one is an outright bald-faced lie). Nevertheless, it’s how we parents have rolled probably since the dark ages. (Imagine: ‘Don’t go dating any Visigoths from the other side of the Alps or you’ll wake up with pointy ears!’, and so on…)

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5. Wheelchair vs. Winter - 2/1/2011

This will be my 25th winter in a wheelchair; my first was just after my twentieth birthday, having been paralyzed in my friend’s car wreck the previous spring. For my part, instead of sliding into my typical Wheelchair-Bound Winter Depression, this year I decided not to be bullied by “Snowmagedon”, “Snowzilla”, “Snowtorius B.I.G” or any other schmaltzy media cliché. I resolved to summon my powers of problem solving and logistics—the very same that had carried me through these past twenty five years of impairment—and face that “Wicked Winter Wallop” head-on!
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6. How to Celebrate the Holidays with the Ex - 12/29/2010

The Holiday season is nearly synonymous with the word ‘family’; it is undoubtedly a time for togetherness, yet for families whose parents are divorced, the Holidays can be just the opposite: a fractious, frenetic, logistical nightmare where ex-husbands and wives often find themselves duplicating the Holiday experience for their children in separate households, miles away, and often on different days altogether.

While I’m certain many divorced parents have devised novel solutions to the dual-household problem, (Santa visits your house on even years, mine on odd years, for example) I believe I have found perhaps the simplest solution of all: Christmas day at my house and everyone’s invited, including the ex; and why not any friends of his who might be around; and while we’re at it, why not the ex’s father as well—he is, after the children’s grandfather. Yes you heard right. In our house we celebrate holidays—not only Christmas, but most of the others as well—all together; me, the wife, the kids and the ex and his ilk. Like a big, blended, extended, dysfunctional family.
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7. I Robot (part deux): - 12/8/2010

Artie on Glee Walks with a ReWalk!

It’s Tuesday night, I’m watching the last segment of the Glee Christmas show and I almost fall out of my chair when Artie, the show’s token singing, dancing, rarely moping paraplegic gets a bona fide Robotic Walking Device for Christmas! And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but the actual ReWalk system developed by a quadriplegic in Israel (the real thing, not Hollywood smoke and mirrors). I should have seen it coming during the sub plot that features an Artie dream sequence with him sans wheelchair dancing it up with the rest of the cast, and Brittany, Artie’s girlfriend telling Santa (Coach Bieste in a Santa suite) that all she wants for Christmas is for Artie to walk again. But I am nevertheless overjoyed; not just because the most-watched prime-time television show has featured the very latest in walking technology as part of the plot, but that there’s also a mention of stem cell research earlier in the show (“we’re still a few years off,” claims Sam as the Gleek jocks discuss the latest research developments for SCI with Coach Bieste).

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8. I Robot: - 11/17/2010

The Rise of Robotic Walking Technology for the non-ambulatory

Big news is afoot for those permanently confined to wheelchairs: Robotic Walking Devices are finally here. For those like me, who have been paralyzed for several decades, this is an astounding achievement. By contrast, when I suffered a traumatic spinal cord injury in 1984, I was told by doctors that a) there was unequivocally no cure for SCI, b) that virtually no research toward a cure had been done since World War II, and c) to expect no significant gains thereof within my own lifetime.

Now, a mere 25 years later, latest robotic technology has served up a compelling “hardware” cure, with a dash of sci-fi / Six Million Dollar Man thrown in as well: Robotic Walking Legs! My only questions at this point: When can I try one out, will insurance cover it, and how far can I jump with one of these things? (More on the “jumping” thing later…)

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9. Tip-Toeing in Their Footsteps - 10/22/2010

Living up to your older brothers on the sports field

It's Saturday, day one of Noah’s first grade soccer league. We are hopeful that Noah, now six years old, will follow in the footsteps of his older brothers, Ben (12) and Josh (15)—both accomplished soccer players for their age.

The whistle sounds and they’re off. This is “beehive” soccer—basically a wad of kids swarming around the ball until one gets enough of a foot on it to break it loose. The hive follows, but where is Noah? Nowhere near the rest of the crowd…is that him spinning around? Now what’s that—handstands?

Noah! Follow the ball! Run to it… come ‘on get in there!

Noah, in cleats, shin guards and Underarmor, happy as a clam, just looks over at me and Elizabeth, smiles and waves, still oblivious to where the ball is or who has it. The other team scores repeatedly.

Noah! Pay attention! Show some intensity!!!

My god—I’ve become my own nemesis: the overbearing, sideline parent...

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10. Watching the Revolution, Sitting Down - 9/9/2010

The texting guide for those who can't text

A physical disability can provide a unique perspective on sweeping social trends, particularly if those trends require physical attributes you don’t necessarily possess. Take, for instance texting. Or more to the point, walking and texting at the same time. Though modern teenagers might argue texting to be the pinnacle of the evolutionary use of our species’ opposing thumbs, consider how curious this phenomenon must appear to those who have little or no use of their opposing thumbs, such as quadriplegics. Even for those like me, paraplegics who have the the full use of their hands, texting and moving forward in a manually powered wheelchair is nearly impossible—unless you text with one hand and push with the other, which will only result in you traveling round and round in a circle. And forget actually stopping in one spot and texting—that is so Your Grandmother it’s not even worth considering. So that leaves us wheelchair users back where we started; hopelessly out of step, raptly watching the world of ordinary humans as they walk, run, drive and do just about everything else, all while texting at the same time.
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11. Rosemond Fans - 8/13/2010

(of parenting lectures and criminal minds)

“Wow, this guy is really old school,” I whisper to Elizabeth. We’re in the auditorium of our local junior high school on a fall weeknight attending a lecture by renowned child psychologist and author Dr. John Rosemond. For those of you who have read Dr. Rosemond’s syndicated columns, or any of his excellent parenting guides, you know him as the tough talking, family values traditionalist; just the thing a struggling post Baby Boomer parent like me needed to release his own inner “Old School Guy”.

As excited as we are, we enter somewhat gingerly, hoping that we won’t see anyone we know; for as silly as it sounds, attending a lecture by the author of such books as Parent Power! and Family of Value feels eerily like a self-admission that we’ve failed as parents, and are in need professional help; that things perhaps things aren’t going so smoothly behind the scenes at our household.
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12. Liars Fodder - 7/10/2010

The more my kid lies, the more likely he is to succeed? Really?

When I was starting out in the IT field many years ago, charged with implementing and maintaining computer and network security, a wise manager showed me a valuable tool for making the right decision at the right time—sort of a personal and professional liability check. The trick was to say what you were doing out loud, but insert the phrase “Your Honor” in front of every statement. For example, “Your honor, I didn’t apply proper security to those confidential personnel files because I was sure no one on the network would ever think to look there…”, or “Your honor, I didn’t reset the password of the guy we just fired because I was sure he wasn’t the kind of person who would take down the entire network before he cleaned out his desk…”, or “Your honor I meant that pat on my female co-worker’s derriere to be strictly in a buddy kind of way, you know, like the guys on my softball team?” You get the idea. But I must admit—it really worked.

Recently, I began to wonder if this tactic might also work with my kids.
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13. Let's Make a Deal - 5/5/2010

Bargaining away your disability with an 11 year old Monty Hall

One night, while tucking in Ben, our 11 year old, he asks: “Would you trade being in a wheelchair for being able to walk, but you could never sit down?”

“Yes!” I quickly reply.

“Really?” He seems surprised. “Even if you could never, ever sit down. Not even once?”

“Trust me,” I say, wheeling over to the light switch, “sitting down all the time is completely over-rated.”

In the darkness, Ben expresses more puzzlement, but I’m already gone. All this wishful thinking finds me wheeling down the hall, lost in my favorite daydream; the one where I’m running on the beach, feeling the cool wet sand between my toes; then my second favorite, where I’m carrying a chest-of-drawers up the stairs to a 5th floor walk-up in Manhattan with Jane Fonda; but wait, here’s a new one: I’m blue, 10 feet tall, and have pointy ears and a tail—where’d I get that one?

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14. OMG, am I a Mommy Blogger Too? - 3/31/2010

Recently the blogosphere (or should I say, the ‘mommysphere’) has virtually erupted over a snarky piece in the Style section of the New York Times entitled Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy, I’m Too Busy Building My Brand. The veritable online backlash has introduced me to a burgeoning cultural phenomenon unfolding right under my nose. And apparently I’m all a part of it. It seems everybody’s blogging about their kids.
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15. Can I Ask Mom? - 3/5/2010

A Step Parent's guide to taking charge

Children have probably been pitting one parent against the other since the first Hominid family groups roamed the prehistoric African plains. And who can blame them, since they’ve figured out that asking parental unit #2 will often yield more favorable results. However, for the step parent who’s attempting to establish effective parental governance, a child’s constant second guessing, or insisting on the final word from the natural parent can be particularly biting; the child may just be searching for the better deal, yet it’s hard for the step parent not to feel ineffective, even inferior in the process.
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16. The Final Frontier - 11/25/2009

Sex…the final frontier. These are the voyages of the wheelchair known as ‘Matesky’. Its 25-year mission: to explore strange new social situations; to seek out new life receptive to intimate relations with partners who cannot move some or all of their limbs; to educate, enlighten and forge new alliances with the skeptical, or embarrass myself beyond the point of no return in trying; to boldly go where no mid-thoracic, lower-motor neuron lesion, neuro-genic bladder-equipped, center-cord injured paraplegic has gone before…
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17. It's your Fault You're in a Wheelchair... - 6/19/2011

[The follwoing is an excerpt from chapter 10 of "They Call Me Wheels"]

When trying to impress upon your kids the many dangers—and potentially bad choices—they will face as teenagers, having a living, breathing parent in a wheelchair can be mighty handy. Both Josh and Ben know the general circumstances surrounding my accident, in as much I wasn’t wearing a seat belt. It’s a great tool getting Ben to wear his own seat belt, now that he’s out of his booster seat.
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